Bovine Economics Revisited

  1. Socialism -- You have 2 cows.  The government takes both, cares for them incompetently (causing their milk output to drop) and frequently spills much of the milk.  Those who complain about the lack of milk are accused of greed and/or punished.  Strangely, the government's own share of milk does not shrink (not immediately, anyway.)
  2. Fascism -- You have two cows.  The government shoots you and takes the cows.
  3. Communism -- You have 2 cows.  The government shoots you and (by tripping over the gun) one of the cows, and incompetently cares for the other.  The government lives on the meagre supply of milk plus donations from soft-hearted foreign governments.  A small amount of the milk is given to those who haven't already starved or been shot, who are then told they get more and better milk than anyone else in the world.
  4. Utopianism -- If you have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.
  5. Radical Feminism -- If you have 2 cows, you declare an amazonian state free of bull oppression and sit around waiting for the cows to hump each other.
  6. Capitalism -- You have two cows.  You sell one and, with the proceeds, buy a bull.
  7. "New" Labour, SDP and other "third way" isms -- claim to be using model (6) but really implementing (1), (3) or a combination thereof.


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